My Match preview: Published on THE OFFSIDE/Barcelona - Latest Edit
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| I'm here...Have no fear |
I know you’re feeling sick
Of all the clasico games
Of people waving sticks
And bloggers calling names
Kindly, drop no tear
Don’t worry, have no fear
And welcome the one and only
Mr. William Shakespeare
Shakespeare shouts with anger:
“Can you stop being lame?!
Forget that name forever
Cool Shakes is now my name!”
Crowds applaud:
Shakes in the house!
Shakes in the house!
Lets tell the story
Shakes:
Lets remember the previous game
That embraced you all with shame
Then we talk about what is next
And hope it ain’t the same
It started long ago
Though let’s not go that far
Accusing so and so
Raising the hatred bar
Pep agreed with Shakes
“Let’s keep the poem untainted”
Mourinho roared:”You…All…Snakes!”
Busquets screamed and fainted
Guillem Balague and co:
"Mou is the butter and the bread
Did you hear what he just said?
I admit not to understand
But I’ll say he’s a genius brand"
Shakes:
The signs before the matches
Are just like flames to ashes
Pep in a conference room
Called for the day of doom
“If Mou wants dirty tricks
I’ll bring my devilish mix
Mou teams smash our bones
Then he’s the one who moans
Complain and make a speech
Accuse, abuse, and preach
Now I’ll give him one of mine
And let him blame and whine”
No one knew what’s coming
Or which plan Pep is cunning
Is it the eye for an eye,
if you tackle to death, you’ll die?
How will he create the balance?
Will he lead the battle of violence?
The players had also their own
mix of evil and excellence
Just when the game kicked off
And faster than a blink or a cough
De Maria dive, Alves Dive
The referee check if they are alive
Barcelona and the ball
Acquired half of the field
Zillion pass but no goal
Good radiance that won’t yield
In the other half, Madrid,
Built a huge tower of lead
How will victory have a birth,
If you don’t plant the seed?
Whenever Barca seek a chance
They face violence of no class
While with every breeze that pass
Barca players Spin on the grass
Disappointing was the test
Too bad, but painfully true
Instead of showing who’s best
It turned who is worse than who?
Ronaldo dive, Pedro dive
The referee chech if they’re alive
Mou screams “Kill! Don’t hesitate!”
Busquets giggle alone and faint
Guillem Balague and co:
"Mou is the butter and the bread
Did you hear what he just said?
I admit not to understand
But I’ll say he’s a genius brand"
Barca fans will say
The players had to dive
It was the only way
In this game to survive
Madrid call it physical
So stop being critical!
Wrestling is a sport, just as a football game
That proves the Mou theory: Both are the same!
Barca… we say despite
The violence and the pain
That doesn’t make wrong right
You failed to entertain
Madrid…Football’s root
Is simply: A ball and a foot
The foot should kick the ball
You don’t kick the foot at all
Put all the jokes apart
take this wise little rhyme
Being theatric is an evil art
And being a thug is a crime
Then a moment of "Pepe show"
That Alves abused, as you know
Shame! If such tackle you admire
or defend Alves, rolling like a tire!
Still, Pepe caused no bruises
So he searched for excuses
“I took the shot, but still
I failed to hit and kill!”
While Alves went on performing
An endless show of shame
Was he seriously assuming
This won’t disgrace his name?
That caused a major crack
In Real’s ugly tower
And came the chance for El Crack
To blossom and show his power
A hassling dazzling run
Then a cross by Afellay
Messi insures job is done
Scoring through the needle’s eye
If you thought it ended here
Your guess, so wrong, so tragic
Wait! ‘cause soon you’ll cheer
And hail Messi’s magic
He dribbles one
He toys with two
He bends a beam of light
And fold his way through
He’s the talent’s juicy ocean
The rest are just a drop
No one else deserves the notion
To match him at the top
The game was done and dusted
With all answers revealed and busted
But the real show begins
With saint Mou picking the sins
“Conspiracy!” Screams the Mou
“I want the answers now!”
“What? When? Where? And also who?
Why? Whose and even How?!
It’s Butterflies fault!
It’s floodlights' high volt!
The sugar, the batter, the salt!
Oh, I should win by default!
The trees, the breeze, the sun
The ball, the all, the None
Were all together united
Against me, the special one!
Even that little child
That stared at me and smiled
Karanka, go and check if
He’s an agent of UNICEF
Valdano responds with temper:
“Just take it like a man!”
Mourinho's furious answer:
“Shut up! You Barca fan!”
Guillem Balague and co:
"Mou is the butter and the bread
Did you hear what he just said?
I admit not to understand
But I’ll say he’s a genius brand"
Florentino Pérez
“Jose, what was your plan?
Arent we too good to park
The bus while we can
Attack them like a shark?”
Mourinho:
“Don’t fall in that delusion
I was planning a revolution
Where I attack with twenty players
After my sixth substitution”
Zidane:
“I’m Sorry, but I really doubt
You’ld have done any of that
While your tactics are all about
Defending, playing dull and flat”
Mourinho:
“Perez, Who is this guy
Who calls himself Zidane?
I swear it’s not a lie
Fire him, he’s a Barca fan!”
Perez:
“Jose, Are you insane?!
Just…give us a break!
Fans started to complain
Your future is at stake”
Mourinho:
“I’ll also fire you
And fire the fans too
I’m the mighty special one
You all don’t have a clue
Pep should feel the shame
Don’t claim we won the same
Cheating is all he does
Fairness is my aim
At Porto, it was all fair play
I don't care what you may say
No corruption, match fixing, or any
bribes by force or by money
Against Depor, I can’t recall
A red that changed it all
Against Manchester, in semi final?
I didn’t see the goal
Then in the team I managed next
I proved that I’m the best
There is no shame at all honey
To manage a club of laundry money
Did you watch last season, man?
I won the champions last year
And if you mention the goal of Bojan
I’ll just turn the deaf ear!”
Guillem Balague and co:
"Mou is the butter and the bread
Did you hear what he just said?
I admit not to understand
But I’ll say he’s a genius brand"
Now lets leave Mou alone
To whine, complain and mourn
It’s just the Jose style
A symptom of ego’s horn
If you think Barca reached the final
You’re wrong you silly mortal
With the team’s back to the wall
Real Madrid will give it all
They may sit back and wait a chance
Then switch to attack in a glance
If they score in the first forty five
That will bring back their chance alive
Press Marcelo, let him back
Make sure he doesn’t attack
In defense he may be weak
But he’s a danger if he got to sneak
In fact it’s all like before
We should press, attack and score
The more we keep possession
We'll irritate them more and more
We just must not hurry
Let the time pass, no worry
lets pass and pass and pass
And wait for the golden chance
But Pep need also to prepare
His players to absorb the pressure
Madrid may attack all out in despair
An their players might be fresher
Mourinho needs to work
On his quoting a further step
He should consider quoting Pep
